by Gary Borjesson
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. – Carl Jung
Note: I always disguise identities of patients in my writing.

As a psychotherapist, it’s poignant to recognize in my patients’ struggles aspects of my own. An example is the tendency to imagine we are “holding boundaries” when in fact we are retreating from them. This common delusion has far-reaching consequences.
Attention to boundaries is often forced on us by difficult situations or people. Perhaps we’re being criticized; someone’s intruding on our physical space, or dominating a conversation; maybe we’re worrying about how to set boundaries with our partner or child, or whether we should tell the server the food is bad. I envy people whose instinctive response is to confront the situation. But I admire those rare souls who manage to do so generously, in the spirit of resolving the issue collaboratively. This shows self-respect and goodwill; it also shows courage to be able to remain present when circumstances are threatening. It is, in all, a very good mindset for holding boundaries and building good alliances—not to mention for warding off trespassers and enemies.
Most of us, however, tend to react to boundary issues in a variety of less-ideal ways. There’s open hostility, of course; but the reaction I want to explore involves a more or less deliberate avoidance of the person, the problem, and the boundary—all in the name of holding boundaries.
This behavior can take a variety of forms, from the slow ‘avoidant discard’ to ghosting, canceling, or cutting someone off. While retreating thus, we may tell ourselves or friends or a therapist about the righteousness of our action, so that it can even seem like we’re confronting the situation. But often we’re doing the opposite: skirting that fraught, intimate space of contact and potential conflict. Instead of telling the server we’re unhappy, we never go back to the restaurant. Instead of offering feedback to the colleague or friend whose behavior is troubling us, we nurse our resentment and stop engaging with them.
So, why imagine we’re holding boundaries when we’re not? Read more »



I started reading Leif Weatherby’s new book, Language Machines, because I was familiar with his writing in magazines such as The Point and The Baffler. For The Point, he’d written a fascinating account of Aaron Rodgers’ two seasons with the New York Jets, a story that didn’t just deal with sports, but intersected with American mythology, masculinity, and contemporary politics. It’s one of the most remarkable pieces of sports writing in recent memory. For The Baffler, Weatherby had written about the influence of data and analytics on professional football, showing them to be both deceptive and illuminating, while also drawing a revealing parallel with Silicon Valley. Weatherby is not a sportswriter, however, but a Professor of German and the Director of Digital Humanities at NYU. And Language Machines is not about football, but about artificial intelligence and large language models; its subtitle is Cultural AI and the End of Remainder Humanism.


Every neighborhood seems to have at least one. You know him, the walking guy. No matter the time of day, you seem to see him out strolling through the neighborhood. You might not know his name or where exactly he lives, but all your neighbors know exactly who you mean when you say “that walking guy.” This summer, that became me.


For some time there’s been a common complaint that western societies have suffered a loss of community. We’ve become far too individualistic, the argument goes, too concerned with the ‘I’ rather than the ‘we’. Many have made the case for this change. Published in 2000, Robert Putnam’s classic ‘Bowling Alone: the collapse and revival of American community’, meticulously lays out the empirical data for the decline in community and what is known as ‘social capital.’ He also makes suggestions for its revival. Although this book is a quarter of a century old, it would be difficult to argue that it is no longer relevant. More recently the best-selling book by the former Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, ‘Morality: Restoring the Common Good in Divided Times’, presents the problem as one of moral failure.
Sughra Raza. Nightstreet Barcode, Kowloon, January 2019.
At a recent conference in Las Vegas, Geoffrey Hinton—sometimes called the “Godfather of AI”—offered a stark choice. If artificial intelligence surpasses us, he said, it must have something like a maternal instinct toward humanity. Otherwise, “If it’s not going to parent me, it’s going to replace me.” The image is vivid: a more powerful mind caring for us as a mother cares for her child, rather than sweeping us aside. It is also, in its way, reassuring. The binary is clean. Maternal or destructive. Nurture or neglect.
With In the New Century: An Anthology of Pakistani Literature in English, Muneeza Shamsie, the time‑tested chronicler of Pakistani writing in English, presents what is arguably the definitive anthology in this genre. Across her collections, criticism, and commentary, Shamsie has chronicled, championed, and clarified the growth of a literary tradition that is vast but, in many ways, still nascent. If there is one single volume to read in order to grasp the breadth, complexity, and sheer inventiveness of Pakistani Anglophone writing, it would be this one.