Maybe Something

by Tamuira Reid

19260362_10212430801139593_5920259247675657020_nBecause I am quiet. Because you are dying. Because it is night. Because the stars are out. Because fathers die. Because I will miss your hands. Because I will miss Niners games on Sundays. Because we still have more books to read. Because my son doesn't really know you. Because memories fade. Because memories lie. Because fuck memories. Because cancer. Because cancer is not capitalized. Because Tracy Chapman songs. Because the Bee Gees. Because cassette tapes in your green car with the rotten banana peels on the floor. Because you let me sing. Because you told me I was your favorite even when it wasn't true. Because I was nine. Because I was sad. Because I was always sad. Because swim meets and tap recitals and science fair projects. Because popcorn in olive oil. Because walks by the ocean. Because you let me put my skates on. Because you didn't spank us even when she wanted you to. Because Neil Diamond said turn on your heartlight. Because what is heartlight? Because I am your daughter. Because you are so thirsty. Because the doctors say no water. Because fluid in your lungs. Because cancer. Because cancer is not capitalized. Because the trees look different. Because you are in this bed. Because the TV is up all the way and you still can't hear it. Because you need a hearing aid, Pop. Because they are too much money. Because you'll just ask your wife what we said later. Because you are an artist. Because you paint. Because your talent is greater than mine. Because you don't think so. Because we are all perfect to you. Because you convinced us McDonalds was a Scottish food restaurant. Because I will never love any man more. Because I should tell you but won't. Because cigarettes. Because you quit twenty-five years ago. Because it doesn't matter. Because you visualize. Because you practice mindfulness. Because you do yoga. Because this makes you sound like a hippie. Because maybe you are a hippie. Because I will sleep too much. Because I will find you there. Because you'll die. Because we let you.

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