Woody Allen’s 30 best one-liners

Martin Chilton in The Telegraph:

Wooodysummarypic_2625449c'There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?'

Sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

From Manhattan – in taxi with Tracy – “You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter”

To Shrink: Doc, uh, my brother is crazy. He thinks he's a chicken. Doc says: So why don't you turn him in? Allen: I would, but I need the eggs.

'Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.'

'When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.'

'I failed to make the chess team because of my height.'

'I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.'

More here.

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