Obama Fist Bump: A Poem

by Anis Shivani

First fisting faggot,
we must outlaw reproduction
of everyone with a natural blonde,
except other. It is scary knowing
he has that football
to carry around.

Michelle Obama shakin her thang
to Beyonce’s song,
you go girl!

Terrorist fist bump 
devolves into intimate
fisting for the Obamas.
He's really saying 69 sacks,
because they were talking about football.
 
Her character is blonde,
wears J.Crew and Theory suits (just one).
Tagg Romney whispered an apology
to Obama for wanting to punch
Michelle Obama nude redtube
candy everywhere (no, I’m not talking
about the blonde rookie, you pervs).

Three down, two to go:
Obama gives veiled threat to violent Syrian.
To re-elect Obama would be like the Titanic
backing up and hitting the iceberg again.

Blonde has given up the noc list 
and I’ve been Valerie Plame’d.
Timberlake says taking blonde corporal
to the Marine Ball “changed my life.”

Obama’s first law: 
young brothers should pull up their pants.
Note the file footage of a classroom
full of quiet little blondes and Asians.
She clenched and unclenched her fists,
her breath coming out in pants
and this is from one of Obama's
hand-picked czars, the “safe schools czar”:
students across America going hungry,
football-playing teens undernourished.
 
Surgery is no different
from a genetic brunette dying her hair blonde,
you’d probably still want me to walk on it/play
football etc. screaming stop.
 
I loves me a kinky girl
who loves to have her vag stretched.
That is a pre-existing condition
that was not the fault of the Obama administration,
simplest would be to just abduct a pretty blonde girl,
choices presented by our two drunken-frat’s-football-match
political parties, who would you rather?
 
Raise up your Fruitini,
MLK, call to service, birthdays, football and more!
Little playa already has two girlfriends,
blonde twins, need we say more?
You can’t see me but I got me fist up in the air,
I voted for Obama.

The “great moment in comics history” 
is the blonde black widow’s clever
transportation method for Ant-Man
to end all fist-bumps as Obama
expresses his fandom
and support for Spider-Man.

We are over here double-fisted with Budweiser 
and getting our mind right!
See ya back in Vegas!
We kicking it all the way back to Vegas!
 
President Obama is a Muslim (from his own lips),
Kenyan (read it from his publicist),
a homosexual (read it on a news magazine cover).
The child Stewart,
complete with Rhoda Penmark blond braids,
sabotages another girl
who would have muscled in on her cake-baking.
 
There was a time in my life
when I used to get upset
when my favorite football teams would lose.
Then one day I realized I was a fan of the Detroit Lions
but if you can find the liquor,
you can usually find my john,
he’s as good at double-fisting liquor drinks as I am,
we're a match made in heaven
as she becomes the fourth blonde
Mrs Cleese of American extraction.

(Insert fist pump here)
I am a newly engaged 26 year old Kentucky blonde,
I love my fiancé,
Obama promises jobs for blacks,
black NFL football massage and ebony dirty ebony teens.

But I wish I was a dog and Obama was a tree,
Obama is a cactus.
Prediction: Obama will die at an early age
due to a brain hemorrhage.
It’s like, we have this all-day orgy
of football, literally from noon into the night

Some fancy ships are shown off, 
there is a football game,
Rihanna talks for a bit,
the, by now, obligatory blonde bimbo girlfriend gets some.
Is she referring to something
Barack Obama did or said recently?
I’m a married guy,
I’m quite tall and strong and athletic and butch,
and I like my football,
mostly I do this to bug the wife,
whose loathing of football I’ve never understood.
 
Figure out how to inject fat in a lamprey
and put it in a blonde wig?
 
Obama has anointed my income
with taxes, my expenses runneth over
my income. Surely, poverty
and hard living will follow.
 
After all, you can only keep a hot blonde
masquerading, as a journalist
I haven’t seen fisting like this since Ali-Frazier I,
and speaking of assholes,
free money for niggers and queers,
football is gay shirt on our site,
it becomes more clearly on the pictures.

***********************

Anis Shivani’s debut book of poetry is My Tranquil War and Other Poems (NYQ Books, 2012). His poetry appears in Epoch, Green Mountains Review, Threepenny Review, Fence, Denver Quarterly, Iowa Review, Times Literary Supplement, Meanjin, Fiddlehead, Subtropics, Verse, Boston Review, and elsewhere.