January 02, 2012
A Poem for 2012
TWO WOMEN OUT FOR A STROLL ON NEW YEAR’S DAY
One had a Doberman;
The other a Chihuahua.
(This is a Found Poem.)
Look, there’s a bar open.
Let’s go in. Have a drink,
Doberwoman said.
We can't.
We've got dogs,
Chihuahuawoman said.
Just watch me.
Do as I do,
Doberwoman said.
She put on her D&G shades,
Walked boldly to the door
Where a bouncer said, Sorry,
Lady. No dogs. It’s the law.
You don’t understand,
Doberwoman said,
This is my seeing-eye dog.
A Doberman?
The bouncer asked.
Yes, they're using them now.
They're very good,
Doberwoman said.
The bouncer shrugged
And opened the door.
Across the street,
Chihuahuawoman thought
Convincing bouncer Chihuahua was seeing-eye dog may be a stretch
But whatheheck—
Wearing her DKNY shades
Strolled warily to the door—
Oops! The bouncer said,
No pets. Sorry.
You don't understand,
Chihuahuawoman said,
This is my seeing-eye dog.
A Chihuahua? the bouncer asked
Shaking his head.
A Chihuahua?
Wailed Chihuahuawoman.
They gave me a fucking Chihuahua?
By Rafiq Kathwari, a guest writer at 3 Quarks Daily.
Posted by S. Abbas Raza at 12:37 AM | Permalink
Comments
last year, this was online as a joke with bette midler and friend as the dog walkers.
Posted by: mm | Jan 2, 2012 1:44:14 PM
MM is correct. Not just last year, but the joke, or a version of it, goes back to 2002, as best I can determine after a considered search of 91 Google pages.
A few months ago, I remember Larry King telling this joke or a version of it, either on Jay Leno or David Letterman, I can’t remember which show.
Here are three internet versions of the joke that may be of interest. All are in prose, none is a poem. In my search, I did not find it rendered as a poem, but that does not mean some one else with more searching prowess won’t find one predating my poem-version published above.
Exhibit One 5 July 2002
http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke2.cgi?id=20020705
Exhibit Two 24 March 2003.
http://www.disboards.com/archive/index.php/t-347011.html
Exhibit Three: 23 August 2006 http://www.toyotaownersclub.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=57681
Note how the jokes evolves, from men to women characters. This exhibit is of particular interest because it was probably the version I received via email. Probably? Despite my focused effort, I cannot, for the life of me, find the actual email on my server. Surely, it must have come as Fwd Fwd Fwd joke as jokes do surely.
Exhibit Four— I found an email, dated 8 November 2007 — from me to my friend Gjonas, asking him to comment on an earlier version of my poem Exhibit Five
________________________________________________________________________
• Lull is over, I hope
From: Rafique Kathwari (rafique@msn.com)
Sent: Thu 11/08/07 9:05 PM
To: Gerald Jonas (emailed address blocked)
1 attachment
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll.doc (26.0 KB)
Dear GJ,
Actually a found poem, but started to work on it to sharpen my rusty synapses. Comments?
How about a bit of lunch next week?
Rafiq Kathwari
917 292 6838
Got a minute. Visit my award winning photo essay http://www.KashmirRetextured.com
________________________________________________________________________
Note, in my email, I say it’s a Found Poem. There is no attempt, then or now, to attribute to myself what is clearly not mine. Also, I’ll be glad to post a jpeg of this email, if necessary
Exhibit Five — has a different structure than the published version above.
_________________________________________________________________
TWO WOMEN OUT FOR A SATURDAY STROLL
One had a Doberman, the other a Chihuahua.
Woman with Doberman said, "Let's go over
to that bar for a drink." Woman with Chihuahua
said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs."
Woman with Doberman said, "Just watch me
and do as I do." She put on a pair of dark
glasses and walked to the door where
a bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
Woman with Doberman said, "You don't
understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." Bouncer
said, "A Doberman?" Woman said, "Yes,
they're using them now. They're very good."
Bouncer said, "OK, go right in." Woman
with Chihuahua thought convincing
bouncer Chihuahua was seeing-eye dog may be a stretch
but What the heck she thought, and putting
on her dark glasses walked to the door. Bouncer
said, "Sorry, lady, no pets." Woman said, "You don't
understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." Bouncer
said, "A Chihuahua?" Woman said, "A Chihuahua?
They gave me a fucking Chihuahua?"
--Rafiq Kathwari
8 November 2007
_________________________________________________________________
So, I have been sculpting this joke into a poem for over four years. Wow! The 3Quarksdaily version above is polished and embellished as it should be, for that is what my Editor demand, at the very least.
For instance: I have introduced brand names (although pro activism demands use of ™ when citing brand names, following generally accepted practice). Also, Woman with Doberman is compressed to Doberwoman, an absolutely original creative flash. Hey, I’ve been working on it, on and off, for over four years. About time, something flashed.
And it did. For me, it all flashed on New Year’s Day 2012, when I submitted it to 3Quarksdaily, declaring at the very outset (This is a Found Poem) Stanza 1, Line 3, enclosing the declaration in parenthesis to separate the poets voice from the body of the joke poem.
On reflection, it is always necessary as well as generous to attribute in a separate note at the beginning or the end rather than in the body of a poem, especially in a poem, for a line inside a poem invariably takes on a life all its own, which is one reason why the comment by MM, whoever he or she may be, energized me to make this rather long but absolutely necessary clarification
While my material was given to me via email—I’d like to think it was a gift—
the craft, the style, the structure, the sculpting, the embellishments are all 100% mine. I believe I have elevated a popular joke to a good poem about poetic justice, or injustice, depending on your point of view.
Happy New Year!
Posted by: Rafiq Kathwari | Jan 3, 2012 3:53:24 AM
Thanks for making that clear, Rafiq! It's a very funny poem, and I especially liked "Doberwoman!" :-)
Posted by: Abbas Raza | Jan 3, 2012 6:00:20 AM
Post a comment