August 10, 2009
The Tinkerer
This is an extract from a work in progress... a short story, perhaps. Let me know what you Think.
Tinkering with his iron fragments the stooping figure beads in sweat so as this heat won’t extinguish him. Seven steps astride him pink-lipped petals set the wind a moving; seeds at depth force Earth versus its sky; a honey coloured beetle arranges its deathbed, a future in revolt against the flowers. These meadows offer little for the tinkerer, since not a war’s been fought amongst them for such an age as all that’s left is ruby rust. Still, he cricks his spine in sensing, gouging his cart a track along which to guide it, and wanders over the meadow banks; wanders a crest a thoughtless dream in search of iron scraps.
As a life he’d had plenty enough, seen such a family of moons not a starry gaze could count them. On colder days the river banks took hold of the ice, painting memories for him of years past when the water flowed a different path. Each icy bed locking inside the clutter of pictures which made him. Only when the water was solid did any time seem long enough for the tinkerer, but this coming winter would be his last; so The Thinker had told him. At sunrise the meadow stole at the night, tinkering itself the last of the dew across its banks to wake the birds in freshness, slipping silken tongues into worlds of water atop each sliver of grass. Soon this would stop, the tinkerer knew, turn to ice each morning, locking away the tinkerer’s delights in prisons of frozen earth. Winter was a time for musing. Not a patch of iron was he to find when all was thought about him, in the season of his death.
He sits now, sunken amid the horizon of the town far off, and picks at his toenails with a shard of metal. This nail barks back, a yellow light erupting through at the chisel of his finger tips. Some feet are these. Noble in their decrepitude, each so thick with age as to mention their memories in a wrinkle; a lingering line tearing at tufts of grizzled hair. One toe is missing, lost at the snarl of winter. Numbed to black. Snap. The tinkerer remembers that toe more than any other. Sumptuous it is in the pictures of his eyes. His eyes are the seeing things he owns, the hands the feeling. Yet the picture is neither seeing, nor feeling, but child to both. A reflection of the lost tinkerers which once grew here within him, which once gazed sidelong to picture he. The Thinker muses this. In the town soaked with light, from first dew to night, The Thinker resides. Calls his people to him to hand them a dream or two, a word making a memory, a thought planting its seed. Not in the meadow does The Thinker live, nor the tinkerer for that matter. The town beckons he.
Folding into sweat sodden clothes the splinter of metal, the tinkerer rises now, lifting on tinder legs the arching crease of an ancient spine. And back down the track, the town coming forward, he commencing on, with his cart of rusted iron and his eyes soaked deep with pictures past. There shoots a rabbit, piecing together a world in its darting gallop as the meadow sells it silky green leaves on which to munch. Above, a black shadow soars, teasing the air in its curdled motions, smearing a tunnel of pictures past onto the tinkerer’s decaying gaze. This is the meadow all about, muses he, and I am the last tinkerer.
*
“Here comes he! I’ll wage thee a morning of Thinking that this will strike him down.” At the edge of the town, perched crow-like on the branch of the most ancient of oaks, pick the young men at their sticks of salted meat. Three boys savour the tinkerer off way ahead; one wields a circle of gristle to project at he.
“He moves slower than the seasons brother, ‘tis not a target I’d care you’ll miss, but knock down?! Not in a thousand moons.”
“There is no want for fun in you brother. Watch the tinkerer, watch him fall.” In a crooked claw the boy rests his gristle of meat, sets his eye on the tinkerer, lest he know little of these boys’ intentions. A third figure, not brother to either before, raises an intimate eye as if in muse of this. His words roll under his breath, seep quiet out like saccharine drips from ripened fruit.
“’Tis of The Thinker’s muse that each action is echoed an equal reaction. The tinkerer’s fall will cause thee an intention my friend. Be wary of this.” He rests back now, gnaws solemn like on his salted meat; catching an eye from his vindictive partners.
“Keep your muse to yourself.” With that, and an arcing elbow, the disc of gristle takes hold of the breeze, soars abreast the town’s sullen river. In clattering atonement the tinkerer bears his load, a final push through auburn brambles until the town walls welcome he. Striking solid and against his temple, the sinew of meat breaks his progress; a spray of iron jumps out the cart. Lies he now all about amongst his rusted wares. Just then, a crescendo of mirth erupts from underneath the oak’s canopy. This does rise so high as to beckon the sun to follow in jest. The tinkerer, wheezing through hot red confusion, clambers arm over arm onto stubborn limbs. His cart stables he.
“No better have I seen my brother, not ever better!” At this the second brother congratulates the first, slapping hard upon his quaking back; a force too much. Teetering such that any misplaced weight could break his balance, the brother topples forward now. His laughter ceasing, he claws at his brother so as to find his poise once more, but drags both across and off the old oak branch. Solid earth welcomes a fall. Crack. Boy number three does laugh most reflexively.
The tinkerer’s stiff frame barely offers his mind a vehicle within which to hide. Its joints swollen in rebellion at the many moons thus travelled under. In his eye the falling sun catches a token of shadow, past brambles and beneath the oak. A clatter of motion and heaped there abouts two brothers of the Keraack family; their name chosen of the mountain. The tinkerer moves himself now. The bramble skeletons catch at his rags, tearing greater holes where time has told them. Picking slowly at his iron wares he fills his cart once more, tempting the coming winter, with each dip of his spine, to freeze the life from he. At a last motion he sees below him a third figure chide the mountain brothers. This boy, proud in gait, wears a conifer leaf crown about his head. His solitary mirth, the tinkerer muses, is born of the darkest forest. A musing and a doing kind is he, there, aiding his cohorts beneath the old oak tree.
As if to wake the stars in hiding, the town bell does now knell out across the deepening sky. Three boys, caught by ear, chide each other, glance back up at the lonely tinkerer before they head off running into town. This hour be The Thinker’s, the tinkerer now muses, beckoning the people of town and field in praise of he. In a sidelong glance, not of this space, but out along the breadth of his life, the tinkerer muses times past when folks discerned the birth of The Thinker. These lowly occasions – these days, these many moons all abouts – not a soul, but the tinkerer knows of how this era came to be. That in a timeless world, spread out in thin segments across an ancient landscape, not one but he could see, could really see the pictures there abouts, hurt the tinkerer at such a depth, that not the sun and moon combined could shine upon his cavernous being. The bell knells on now, rings at the ears of the meadow, the forest, the river and the mountain. Rings at the shuddering pictures of the tinkerer. Draws him onwards, through auburn bramble, across sullen river and past the old oak tree. The town welcomes he, the last tinkerer.
*
Addressing the town, on withered limbs set one before the other, the tinkerer now moves. A squirming channel of earth stretches ahead of he, one of many roots weaving out, and through the town from The Thinker’s skyward tower. Here crouches a river child, smokes day-old fish over chestnut scented coals. At the corner, knee deep in sunken pit of filth, a naked shaman chants his wares; one vigorous arm waves over his other. He calls a tale of desperation, said to lead all manner of people, whether of town or field, into a maelstrom of their muse.
Before he, the tinkerer eyes three ancient stumps composed in twisted metal, each abode in praise to sky, their doors draped with moth-eaten leather. From beneath one cloth a shrivelled hand does move, sweeps back and catches the tinkerer’s nose in clouds of multifarious intensity. Damp heather; the festering blood of day-old mule; bone shavings in honey; a mix all of each. The tinkerer offers his cart ahead of he to a further stooping figure, encased in shawl of black. As in an eye one sees not just the light, but the feeling; the muse, so the tinkerer does see more in she than mere darkness. An eye meets an eye across the dirt coloured path. Both muse does merge.
“I’ll levy thee a Thought or three my tinkerer. That rattle does ne’er abound a more shattered miser as thee.” She croaks, stepping aside to welcome he. Plucking at but one rusted morsel, the tinkerer lumbers on, nods casual like at her placidity. Into her cavern.
“Sit. Lift what weight one has a step closer to sky.”
Once in, the cloth collapse back, taut. To the tinkerer’s daylight eye this all a grey does make; merge angle to colour, shape to cloud, until the sight settles on candle shine. On centre stove roast seven iron pots, a different consistency each to make. Over door, plunged deep into her shack’s archaic metal, protrude the skull of her husband; a scrap or two of skin clung to bone. This the tinkerer knew, ‘twas he who severed the last of the flesh from the carcass.
Posted by Daniel Rourke at 12:10 AM | Permalink
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Comments
Daniel,
I enjoyed it very much. For me there was only one misstep. "Teetering such that any misplaced weight could break his balance, the brother topples forward now." The toe's already been lost from gangrene, so we're already anticipating imbalance. But the next line got me right back in the dream, so no harm done. I look forward to reading it again this evening. Thank you very much for posting it.
Posted by: Frances Madeson | Aug 10, 2009 10:39:30 AM
Daniel,
Great story! Your cunning design forces one to savor the words slowly to garner their full flavor. I look forward to more.
Posted by: Guy Galbois | Aug 10, 2009 3:07:57 PM
Devil's advocate here. Suggesting editing/re-writing as a poem, not a short story.
Posted by: odysseus14 | Aug 10, 2009 6:26:20 PM
Thanks for the feedback...
odysseus14: I actually did convert all this into a short poem, a villanelle. Forgive the continued self-promotion, please do:
Beg of me a tale;
time teeters o’er the plateau
swallowing its tail;
this muse is sure to fail
whilst moments dare to grow.
Beg of me a tale,
follow the meadow’s trail
where tinkering we’ll go.
Swallowing its tail
above, a yellow sun does pale
to draw the distant moon a’glow.
Beg of me a tale
from whence ambitions hail;
epochs one dreams to know.
Swallowing its tail,
a universe in flow
does ebony skies a’shadow.
Beg of me a tale
swallowing its tail.
Frances: Although the tinkerer has lost his toe, it is one of the young brothers which the line "Teetering such that any misplaced weight could break his balance, the brother topples forward now." refers to.
Posted by: Daniel Rourke | Aug 10, 2009 8:09:46 PM
A matter of taste, or as you suggest in the line, emphasis. It's in the words "such that any misplaced weight could break his balance" that I felt put upon. What if you try it without those words? "Teetering, the brother topples forward now."
Posted by: Frances Madeson | Aug 10, 2009 9:03:34 PM
You have done two courageous things: written creatively and asked for comment about same. My stylistic concerns are these: You have bravely stepped out of the normal conventions of language in order to achieve a fresh voice. What I detect, and I offer this in the spirit of critique, is a conflicted sense of literary design. On the one hand you feel free (as you should) to strip away conventional forms, thus hoping for (I assume) a more spare and naked revelation, while at the same time embellishing with almost archaic forms that same bare-naked text. I offer:
“Seven steps astride him pink-lipped petals set the wind a moving” as an example of the former and; “seen such a family of moons not a starry gaze could count them” which could be taken for a lost Chaucer text.
So there is a slightly, if you will, anachronistic, stylistic going on. One only needs to look at Joyce to see that (real) genius can do “anything" and get away with it, at the right point in history. Certain “forms of freshness’ were fresh in the 1920’s and not fresh now. Contemporary creative artists are stuck in this painful modern paradigm that everything needs to somehow be new and shockingly, bracingly daring. Finding the “fresh and revelatory” without falling into that pit of foolishness is the primary problem, I suggest. Good luck. And I like the villanelle very much.
Posted by: Samson vanOverwater | Aug 11, 2009 12:09:39 AM
Samson, it's nice to see you back here. Daniel, I like the villanelle too. I have a global criticism of the prose, however, which I know you won't find nasty because you are aware I admire you as a writer. Here goes: you are trying too hard to live in language, when it is language that must live in you. I do think poets can live too much in language -- just ride the tiger -- and be fine, better than fine. But this prose has both an improvisational feeling and a very high finish. If that's what you were going for, then you have achieved it. But the question is, it seems to me, how to give this prose an engine. And perhaps the poem is the answer. Maybe what you have here is a poem with a huge gloss. And then again, maybe it's me. Thanks for putting it up!
Posted by: Elatia Harris | Aug 11, 2009 3:16:19 AM
Daniel--I thought it was poetry too--almost like a rap. Wondered if you could add in an audio of you reading this piece. I liked it. Thanks.
Posted by: maniza | Aug 11, 2009 8:30:33 AM
Daniel,
It does take courage to publish to the world wide web. I'll give you that.
I too like your writing and found many wonderful images - "That in a timeless world, spread out in thin segments across an ancient landscape, not one but he could see...". Thank you for that.
I do however agree with Elatia's comments, not so much about "living in the language", but using the language as a brush - painting a picture, one careful stroke after another until the idea is complete and I have seen it through your eyes. I felt that you were sharp (even rough) with your brush, so while I appreciated by the result, I was unsettled by the way you painted it.
I hope this helps. Keep writing.
Posted by: Mike P. | Sep 16, 2009 5:11:18 PM
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