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October 04, 2008

Saturday Poem

////
Person_emitihal_mamoud
I am Emtithal Mahmoud and I am 14 years old. My mother is Amira Tibin, and my father is Dr. Ibrahim Mahmoud. I am the oldest of three children, with both a younger brother and sister. My family originally comes from El-Fashir, Northern Kutum, Dar Zagawa, and Nyala, all of which are regions of Darfur, Sudan. I live in Northeast Philadelphia and go to J.R. Masterman High school. These are my poems for Darfur.




Framed
Emitihal Mahmoud

The government of Sudan is reeking of racism.
If they don't like someone, they'll kill them.

That is what the war in the south
Was all about.

The government had no army,
So they tore Darfurians from their families.

They were tricked, then forced to become soldiers
With time, their lives grew colder.

The government said they'd get a good pay,
Or maybe even be wealthy some day.

Though, they never got to see their families or even money,
And what they once dreamed was lost for all eternity.

On top of all that, the government said to the boys of Darfur,
"You are going to be fighting in a war."

These boys fought against their will,
For if they didn't, they'd be killed.

People started trying to make peace,
But the government still would not cease.

Then one man came so close to stopping the persecution
The government personally saw to his execution.

After so many years of war,
The government blamed it on the boys of Darfur.

Will this government stay behind its mask?
A fowl one, embroidered with lies of the past?

If you could see the faces of the people who cried,
Then you would understand that these boys would never lie.

Most of these boys were never seen again, what a shame.
Yet, until this very day you can hear them say "We were FRAMED!"

///

Posted by Jim Culleny at 07:55 AM | Permalink

Comments

I most certainly agree with this that is for sure.

Posted by: kayla | Oct 4, 2008 11:57:24 AM

With all due respect to the goals of this project and the author, this isn't really a poem as much as it is an essay with line breaks.

I realize that it's important to get this message across, but putting sentences into rhyming couplets does not make great poetry.

Posted by: Mark | Oct 4, 2008 2:11:21 PM

Depends on what you mean by great.

In this case I thought it was great that a fouteen-year old could express herself with clear intelligence and emotive force enough for the poem to effectively deliver its impact.

I thought the bio might help lower the bar and indicate that this was not meant to be presented as equal to something by say Auden, or Shakespeare.

Posted by: Jim | Oct 4, 2008 2:37:26 PM

Yes, She is framed by her Islamic religious falsehoods which have conquered the land and enslaved its people.

She hasn't figured that one out, just yet.

Religion is an insult to human dignity, without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion. Steven Weinberg.

Please watch the Root of ALL Evil, STOP CHILD ABUSE http://documentaries4u.blogspot.com/2008/07/root-of-all-evil.html

PS. Mark is right - Jim is wrong. To lower the standards is not a service to human intelligence.

Posted by: Observer | Oct 5, 2008 8:33:53 AM

I'm having trouble locating our charge or promise to present "great" poetry. We can argue to the end of time what constitutes a great poem (which is not to say there aren't great poems).

And we can argue about whether or not a poem should be published based upon the character of the poet –whether or not the poem is "great" (see this weeks Friday Poem, The Garden, by Ezra Pound).

To my mind posting these poems is not an elite endeavor. It's a matter of opening a door to poetry. With 6.7 billion of us on the planet, when you open a door, someone is sure not to like what walks through.

Posted by: Jim | Oct 5, 2008 10:55:35 AM

@Jim
Words have a meaning with specific definitions. The field of Literature is divided in a wide range of specific areas by which we communicate.

If these divisions are not respected in the end it will be a nice little mishmash.

Poems are regarded as forming a division of literature.
When the writer – regardless of the age- writes a literary piece it is subjected to the meaning of the words used.

If you are going to break the rules to change the definitions because of a pitiful picture who claims to have written a poem then we are in trouble.

The writer of the text can simply enlarge her knowledge as to what qualifies as a poem and accordingly adjust her text to qualify in the field of poetry; or she adopts an essay style to get her message across.

Mark is right when he observes – this is not a poem – but an essay with line breaks. A poem is a rhythmic expression of feelings or ideas, often using metaphor, meter and rhyme. In its broadest sense, a composition utilizing rhyme, meter, concrete detail, and expressive language to create a literary experience with emotional and aesthetic appeal. Typical poems include sonnets, odes, elegies, haiku, ballads, and free verse.

Posted by: Observer | Oct 5, 2008 12:38:42 PM

Oh.

Posted by: Jim | Oct 5, 2008 1:37:36 PM

Jim - you don't have to defend your catholic approach. I'll take it over pedantry any day.

Posted by: Vicki Baker | Oct 5, 2008 3:20:52 PM

Observer, I think you could probably help Sarah Palin improve her English -- no mean feat. Would you consider such a mission? Could you start right away?

Posted by: Elatia Harris | Oct 5, 2008 10:02:48 PM

"RE: I'm having trouble locating our charge..." by Jim

I'm not saying it's not worth publishing or that the message is bad (or that there's some sort of "Islamic religious falsehood", whatever that means). I just didn't really enjoy the poem, so I'm saying it's not great.

Personally I've almost always preferred great art by not so great people to not so great art by great people, but both have a place. Ideally though I'd be looking to read great art with no reference point of the author.

Then again most outlets don't bother to print poetry at all, so I appreciate the effort of 3 quarks daily's poetry

Posted by: Mark | Oct 5, 2008 11:27:14 PM

For Observer


Didactic Bombastic


There once was a middlebrow scold

Who bashed both the young and the old

From the pleasure he took

In reciting by book

We knew he'd been hoarding fool's gold.

Posted by: CriticalMassI | Oct 6, 2008 12:26:56 AM

"If you are going to break the rules to change the definitions because of a pitiful picture who claims to have written a poem then we are in trouble."

Not half as much trouble as having "a pitiful picture who claims"....Ouch!!!!

Posted by: PeteChapman | Oct 6, 2008 1:32:02 PM

heheheh...I enjoy your comments.
Mark was right in his observations but you folks feel that some people can win the lottery without having the numbers.

Posted by: Observer | Oct 8, 2008 3:56:47 PM

Everyone has to start somewhere - just a thought.

I'm sure everyone here who posts regularly would be up to having one of their works for elementary school critiqued to adult pet standards. Oh? Perhaps not, you say? I see. Different standards for different abilities, I take it?

I'm hoping the "pitiful picture" doesn't have access to 3QD. I'd hate to feel that members of this site squelched a budding writer. There are few enough of them already.

Posted by: reader | Oct 8, 2008 5:19:44 PM

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